Chronicles of Nana

Mother’s Day was bittersweet for me.  I am left to face the reality of change, loss and broken dreams. There are three Moms in our household this year…the older, been-there done-that Mom, the single parent with a graduating senior and a widowed thirty something with a five year old…..

MEMORIES…

It wasn’t meant to be a meloncoly day but all three of us had moments of retrospect. If one examined each of us…there would have been times that each of us tried to recover the past….waltzing in dreams that have vanished and disappeared.

For me, the older but wiser one…ha!! I found myself acknowledging that my dreams and self absortion ended when I turned seventeen and I found myself married and expecting a baby. What a way to start a new life….babies having babies! But “them are the facts.” This fact is nothing new in society and truthfully I’d guess there were bets that my marriage was heading for the dumpster. True enough, the journey has been riddled with stick and stones and brick walls that seemed insurmountable. My husband and first child changed my direction on a course that would define who I am….

CHILDREN…..

Like most women in love with their husbands, I had more than my share of children…stairsteps born in the sixties (4) and the cabooze who became the miracle child and the answer to her sister’s prayers in 1971. Through the years of the flower children,  university sit-ins and leisure suits, I was left battling the raising of 5 raucous kids while trying to get my husband through Cal Berkeley..yes. he was a duck out of water! My husband likes to say he majored in riots and sit-ins!! Graduation from Cal was a monumental day for each of us…I had dreamed that one day I would get back to college but life got in the way….my family became my mission and my mindset became faceted on home..

AS THE WORLD TURNS….

Our eldest daughter did all the right things….married her brother’s best friend, put him through college and seven years later found herself a divorced soon-to-be mom. As a single parent her life change required guts and determination. She returned home to us and  she “sucked it up” and went back to college with her younger sister. They graduated from junior college together. She went on to graduate from a four year university and also acquired her Masters. For the past eighteen years she has raised her son. He is about to graduated from high school and go to college. I am certain her Mother’s Day this year was bitter and sweet….

THE UNEXPECTED….

Our youngest daughter is a recent widow…married only 12 years and left with a five year old daughter to raise. Her life changed dramatically one awful, rainy January night. She has come back home to us as she must sort through all the stuff life offers a grieving widow. Even though it has been 4 months and much has had to be decided…I see that far off look in her eyes that crushes my heart. Having the companionship of her little girl has made Mother’s Day much more meaningful, yet bitter…

And so I look upon three very strong women… living the circumstances of life. Taking each day with quiet strength and steely determination and grit. I see their mind set upon their children, ever concerning, ever sacrificing and ever hopeful to mend relationships and bring the whole family together. Bonding lives with the spiritual gifts they possess and the guts it takes to endure to the end…

A MINDLESS COMPARISON…

Before I was married I purchased my first “real” car. My last “real” car is my 1991 Honda that has found it’s way back to me after years with my children and grandchildren. For Mother’s Day this year I received a gift certificate to get it a makeover… new paints, repaired door handle and detailing. I look upon this car with love and respect…it has been of service to most of my family on many, many occasions…it took my daughter to college, it started another daughter off who was newly married, it carried my grandaughter to work after college…. and now this old friend is back with me.

I would hope that I might be remembered like my old Honda….never needing great repair, always dependable, serving others and like an old friend, always coming home . Sort of like children always coming home to rest upon the heart of Mom…

Wherever you are…. Mom, you are loved!!

 

 

IN LOVING MEMORY

OF A FABULOUS GRAM

26 November 2007

 

May Heavenly Father wrap His loving arms around her

and care for and comfort those who mourn her loss…

She will be greatly missed.

 

Dearest Gram,

On behalf of our grandaughter I pledge to you my constant love to be heaped upon her and your son. Until we all meet again as family, know you will be greatly missed and I shall keep our kinship and friendship always close to my heart….save a seat on the bus for me!!

Nana

 

The Old-Fashioned Thanksgiving

By Edgar Albert Guest 1881-1959

 It may be I am getting old and like too much to dwell

Upon the days of bygone years, the days I loved so well;

But thinking of them now I wish somehow that I could know

A simple old Thanksgiving Day, like those of long ago,

When all the family gathered round a table richly spread,

With little Jamie at the foot and grandpa at the head,

The youngest of us all to greet the oldest with a smile,

With mother running in and out and laughing all the while.

 

It may be I’m old-fashioned, but it seems to me to-day

We’re too much bent on having fun to take the time to pray;

Each little family grows up with fashions of its own;

It lives within a world itself and wants to be alone.

It has its special pleasures, its circle, too, of friends;

There are no get-together days; each one his journey wends,

Pursuing what he likes the best in his particular way,

Letting the others do the same upon Thanksgiving Day.

 

I like the olden way the best, when relatives were glad

To meet the way they used to do when I was but a lad;

The old home was a rendezvous for all our kith and kin,

And whether living far or near they all came trooping in

With shouts of “Hello Daddy!” as they fairly stormed the place

And made a rush for mother, who would stop to wipe her face

Upon her gingham apron before she kissed them all,

Hugging them proudly to her breast, the growups and the small.

 

Then laughter rang throughout the home, and, oh, the jokes they told;

From Boston, Frank brought new ones, but father sprang the old;

All afternoon we chatted, telling what we hoped to do,

The struggles we were having and the hardships we’d gone through;

We gathered round the fireside. How fast the hours would fly-

It seemed before we’d settled down ’twas time to say goodbye.

Those were the glad Thanksgivings, the old-time families knew

When relatives could still be friends and every heart was true.

 

Dear Loved Ones…To all the family near and far I send my everlasting love and best wishes for a safe and thankful holiday season. I send my hugs to all…you are greatly missed! Go ahead and gobble, it’s just one day!!

Nana

I have several grandchildren. Two I see almost on a daily basis, some frequently and others less and a few not at all. Life and what it has given me has been greatly appreciated but the circumstances in life have made what I would have liked and desired not happen. I am not in control of the people who come in and go out of my life. Oft times I must settle for far less and am left with a aching hole of disappointment…

THE CIRCLE OF FAMILY….

I am not lamently anything that other grandparents have not had to face….children are born, grow up and live life their way….and so goes the grandchildren. As people grow up the extended family can become complicated and quite large, leaving the senior divisions somewhat abandoned…except for invited occasions. Perhaps not involved at all…limitations and infirmities occur and time cannot be made to include them.

EVERYDAY ASSOCIATIONS….

Special occasions, like holidays, means that some will willingly make the gesture to bring together the whole family to include the seniors who have waited to be remembered. It is sad, however, and a definite reality that assisted living and other aged facilities stand empty of visitors until holiday time.

A SENSE OF RESPECT…

The older I become the more I like the oriental custom of reverance and respect offered to their older folks. Sounds good to me….the body can become old but the mind, for the most part is intact and fully understands the neglect and indifferences that sometime come their way.The older I get the more I realize that time is fleeting…and at the same time…precious!

I find myself becoming grossly intolerate of those who choose to create comotion, chaos and turmoil…who blow smoke with no fire and who promise and not deliver…

GAMES ARE FOR THE YOUNG…

The young love games and to play them…as I get older I gravitate to the honest…messing with personal emotions take too much energy and never conclude with good feelings. Regardless of what some people say, feelings are what drive people to react and respond…so they matter! I have never been able to think clearly when I am emotionally tied up in knots…

SETTING A STANDARD…

Disciplining ourselves is, I suppose, key to living life healthy…to learn to channel our emotions in a positive way is a noble goal. So, why do I let people have the power to manipulate and twist me emotionally??? Where is Spock when I need him…?

My point is…now that I am older and wiser, I truly want to center myself and find an inner peace. I just don’t have the time nor energy to contend with all the emotional stuff anymore. I have decided that most people do not really think the best of others…don’t cut them a break or are willing to forgive the human-ness of it all!

Age has shown me my own faults and failings when it is sometimes too late to correct or change direction…but at life’s end there is indeed a learning curve that the young would be wise to study and understand…

Because one day they will be there also…and they will be among the ‘extended family’ and so….

Life goes on!

Halloween can be a fun experience for the family. Back when my children were school aged I would spend hours making various costumes. Every year there would be a parade of costumes at the school and I did not go the store bought route….not me!

SURVIVING THE MOMENT….

How I ever found the time, I can not say….must be the Mom survival thing. At the time I had four school aged children and we would gather to the back yard on a warm autumn day and plan together the costumes to be made. Oh….I was not handy with the sewing machine, not me. So we had to get creative…

PAPER MACHE IT…

I would have the kids blow up big balloons and we spent the afternoon with the sticky flour paste cocoction and paper mache the balloons. We would use shredded newspaper and layer the wet newspaper onto the balloons. We applied layer after layer.

Once the round spheres were dried by the sun.. it usually took several days. I suppose a hair dryer would have helped. We then cut holes for the eyes and then painted away to create the creatures we designed.

We had a jaybird head, and an elephant head with a slinky nose.One year we used card board boxes and created the Wizard of Oz group of Dorothy, the tinman, lion and the scarecrow. Our caboose kid at the time ended up being a giraffe made out of painted boxes…

I guess the lack of money and keeping the children occupied was the motivating force for such creativity…

PUMPKINS ANYONE?…

One of the traditions we always had was to take the family out to hunt for pumpkins. This usually involved an all day trip to the central valley to the farm fields. There would be several stands along the roads where fresh produce could be purchased. Along side the stands would be a pumpkin field with all the friends of halloween there…scarecrows, bats and cats, and hay bales staked together to make a maze. We would pack a lunch or hit a McDonalds for lunch and then slowly make our way home by dusk.

The night would become crisp with a chill in the air as we unloaded our treasures on the porch to soon be carved…

The kids would sleepily wonder to bed with visions of halloween in their heads…

Those were the days when innocence reigned and children owned the frightful night!

Our eldest daughter is an October birthday girl. We remember well her birth several years ago…it was a joyous but tiring day for yours truly…

STUBBORN TO THE CORE….

She was stubborn even then by refusing to be born in the usual birth position. After several hours of difficult labor on my hands and knees she just dug in and refused to turn…

Her mind set has been steady ever since. She is fast becoming her parents care giver…the future will require harder work and much more patience from her I fear…

LIFE’S PASSAGES…

Her life has not been charmed or out of a princess storybook…her marriage disolved before the birth of her only child. Now, nearly eighteen years later she has walked her passages through life with grace and stoic determination. She has overcome several trials and still walks tall and with a great sense of humor.

PARENT’S PRIDE…

I want her to know how proud we are of her accomplishments…she went forward with her education after the birth of her son, getting her Masters Degree was a goal well achieved.

CAREER DETOURS…

Although well schooled, her career path has taken twists and turns. She has had to make due for the sake of her child and her parents. Her consideration for them being upmost in her mind and decisions.

She goes quietly about her business, callings, parenting and responsibilities without complaint, as long as there is plenty of chocolate around!

 She feels she has few talents but she fails to see her worth as others do. Dependable, steadfast, loyal, focused, organized and practical…qualities worth more than gold itself.

SELFLESS ACTS…

Her contribution as a good daughter does not go unnoticed, nor does her spirit that delights her friends and who  hold her companionship dear to them.

Happy Birthday dear, dear daughter…may your life passages bring you happiness, like your mere existence has brought to us!

Life can be sweet..like the spirit you possess and show to us on a daily basis !

Delight in your son and find peace in your heart…for a selfless job well done…

Happy Birthday!!!

I have always said that motherhood and children make you crazy…this was proven to me early on when during my hectic moments I would call my kids by jumbled names…Jebbie, Deaf and Javid! You frequently get those moments when nothing sounds right and is not understandable…

BABBLINGS…..

There was a time when my children were under the age of six and I hadn’t talked to a taller than three foot person for weeks. Grandad would come home and as he walked through the front door I would plead..talk to me, just say anything..words!

It starts, of course, at birth when you are dead tired anyway. It evolves into episodes of sleep deprivement with two hour feedings and crying jags. Once you get to three month old, the perfect age for kids, it goes down hill from there.

STAGES….

There is the everything goes into the mouth stage, crawling into tight spaces stage and the don’t touch the stove stage. This is where brain fade begins…and it comes back much later in life …like shingles!

EDUCATION BEGINS….

Just when you get the kids in school the critical activities begin…homework, school plays, choir practices, little league, scouts, science fairs, and the all familiar talks at church!

Craziness is capped off with episodes of grossness. Just ask my eldest daughter. At one point we had all the kids sleeping in one bedroom while we remodeled the house. This daughter stomped out to inform us that she had had it with the fart wars and refused to go back into the bedroom filled with her brothers because they were grossing her out!

THE HEART OF THE HOME….

I have gone through the normal house redecorations….the spacious forts made from wall to wall blankets and Kodak boxes, the annual bedroom clean-ups which never succeeded in any way close to neat organization. We contend that we never found our #2 son’s bed until he left for a church mission!

I have found petrified brussel sprouts in my floral arrangement on the dining room table and stone dead McDonald hamburgers stuck to sleeping bags!  The candy wrappers found under the bed could paper an entire bedroom!

LIFE GOES ON….

I have spent hours doing school projects, cub scout events and more than several trips to the doctor with supposed broken bones for xrays. Craziness became very apparent when I wrapped my #4 child’s finger with a popsicle stick and said….there all better!

BEING CREATIVE…

Discipline pushed me over the edge big time. Not only did nobody do anything, the threat of bend over and grab your ankles didn’t work! Creative discipline became necessary and that is when I knew the happy farm was not far away for me…

As the boys, in particular, grew older and bigger my only defense was to instigate desperate measures with discipline. I mean what do you do when they stand there taller than you and laugh ..?

I have been known to throw water in the face upon occasion as well as dump a chicken pot pie over the head! I once short sheeted the beds and spread corn flakes between the sheets. I knew I was a goner when I simple trashed a bedroom and walked away perfectly satisfied..!

So, they grow up…perhaps brain damaged but alive!

As for me…wrestling with senior moments, brain fade and post motherhood syndrome…I occasionally just sit now and wonder through my mind. There is a few empty spaces up there but I too survived…

Kids..they make you nuts and I was too stupid to know better..I was an only child!!

Life gets even, thankfully, when the grandkids come alone…

Neaner…neaner…

I have a friend whose is much younger than I but we have been thrown together because of life’s turns and twists along the way. She and I have had similiar backgrounds, coming from troubled homes as we traveled our road of choices to a better circumstance.

LEARNING ALONG THE WAY…

She has known failure but instead of falling on her sword, like myself, she gritted her teeth and dug in to weather the storms of life. She mothered three beautiful daughters and has taught them well concerning self sacrifice, hard work and determination.

She also has continued to educate herself in a time when so many people take the easy way out. Once her daughters were beyond teenage she went to college and graduated. She obtained her teachers credentials and is now seeking her Masters as she teaches the first grade. I wish I had her energy and grit…

BIRTHDAY WISHES…

She celebrates a birthday this week and I sincerely wish it to be a great one….she is so close to a wonderful accomplishment. She has my admiration….she has my love!

Happy Birthday Mary…

May there be many more filled with your good deeds and grandchildren!!

Nana

Today is a special day for a very special friend and daughter-in-law of mine. This has needed to said for a long time…I love you my dear friend!

COUNTING THE WAYS…

You have become very special to me and let me count the ways…first, you love my son and that shows and I appreciate that very much. Second, you have the kindest soul that illuminates goodness and light. Third, you have become a good listener…that is a gift! Fourth, you are a fabulous Mother to my seven grandchildren. This list can be easily expanded to include many wonderful characteristics and pleasing attributes…but knowing just the above mentioned qualities makes you an awesome person!

GOODLY PARENTS….

I wish to thank your parents for their contributions  and dedication to your life that have made you who you are…thanks folks- you are good people!

I have grown to really appreciate your sensitivity, delight and concern for your children and your pleasing sense of humor…being married to my son takes alot of humor!

LIFE HAPPENS…

With seven children life can become strange, disjointed and chaotic…thanks for thinking before you speak, thanks for the endless service to your family, church and neighbors, thanks for putting off your needs for others, thanks for being you!!

I am greatful and humbled by your example.

I delight and shine in your spirit.

I am proud to call you my daughter and my sister!

Bravo…and Happy Birthday!!!

I have always been proud to say that I have had two Dads in my life…one who was taken from me in my infancy and the other who entered my life when I was a toddler.

TWO DADS…

These men were not the least alike. My father was the son of immigrant parents from Croatia. He was raised in the mine regions of Minnesota. His siblings stayed close to that region with his folks. He, however, took his many talents including speaking seven languages and receiving Morse Code similtaniously to NYC to become an Associated Press reporter when WWII broke out. He was shipped overseas with the military so those talents could be used best in a secret service unit. He never came home….

My (step) Dad met my Mom on the west coast where she was stranded with a little baby (me). He was fresh out of the Navy and went into civil service work for the government. He was the son of poor southern parents. He joined the Navy to help support them. We started a new life together…

REALITY STRIKES….

I learned my Dad wasn’t my natural father in the second grade when a teacher took issue with my last name. It was a traumatic event in my life…to find out my Dad wasn’t and another man with a different name is my father. My youth was confusing and putting the pieces together was difficult for me.

THE NOBLE NATURE OF …

However, since that stark reality hit me in the face I have had a greater appreciation and genuine love toward both my Dads. I have come to appreciate the nature of fatherhood and the nobility that exists within all men. Not all men have the opportunity to bring forth this nobility but, never the less, it does exists and many modern day Dads have proven its existence.

FAMILIES….

Families nowadays come in many configurations. Step Dads and Moms are now very common. So common, in fact, that I am not sure if the men and women who take on the role of parent to someone elses children realize what a noble act that is. It only proves how accomodating the human spirit can become…how accepting the human heart is…and how children can be the ties that bind.

HEAVENLY BROTHERS AND SISTERS….

I like the idea that we all are Heavenly Father’s children, that in reality we are eternal brothers and sisters… it gives purpose to the noble acts being performed and the heroic actions of the human mind and spirit.

Life is not easy…the yours, mine and our concept of family is difficult at best. For those who commit and make it work..good for you!

I salute your accomplishments and I give thanks for the children you raise in love and acceptance…

Be kind to yourselves…

and thanks!