Chronicles of Nana

I am in a mood…one that I have visited alot lately.  It feels dark and gloomy…there is a storm brewing and perhaps it is from within…

After 65 years of living and seeing what appears “it all” I stand as an old lady still bewildered and questioning the goodness of man.  Seems like at various times in life one is caught at a fork in the road. Thing is, when decisions and actions are no longer your own but placed upon others it can open a whole new area for pain and …silence.

I am faced with what was…is no longer. A whole new generation has risen up with values and standards that no longer coincide with my own. Being older, I see what the future can hold for loved ones who make decisions that impart upon the lives of so many…if they only knew!

Waves of foreboding make the grave seem welcoming. Who wants to see what is in store and feel powerless to make a difference.

I am suffering from disappointment. I am reeling from feelings I never supposed I would have to feel. I am impotent…

We all go through heavy moments like this…only after so many I wonder how I will past through the turbulance and anquish.

For now I wish for numbness and sleep..

I will go to bed hoping for a better tomorrow…

I stand in bewilderment that some slug hacked my website….curses to the low life who would transend upon an ole Nana musings!!

In restoring my site the  ”Never the same” post was lost!! I am suspecting some airline or travel agent hacked the piece since it was not too kind with the current wave of gastly customer service that exists nowadays in both those industries…

Without repeating myself..airline travel sucks and travel agencies stink and Hawaii just isn’t the same anymore!!!

Now that Obama has secured the democratic nomination and Hillary is circling her wagons and McCain blindly travels the nation speaking to no one who is listening…I am left with a small sense of pity for our current President Bush…

FILLING DADDY’S SHOES…..

He was pretty much a chip off the old block” when once elected.” Having to step into the shoes of a father who was a former President is a big calling.  After 9/11 I felt that it presented a time for the current President Bush to take charge and show his stuff. Keep in mind, that a sitting President does have some limitations with the senate and especially the congress hanging about his neck…

BREEDING INNER TURMOIL..

But, that explosive episode seemed to only kindle the fires of hate, not just outside our borders but within. There was a national unity that lasted a small moment and since that time it has been downhill and criticized and analyzed by every pundit, democrat and subversive group in the country. Put all that together with a news hierarchy who no longer follow reporting the news but making it and Mr. Bush didn’t have a prayer to walk out of his presidency unscathed…

EITHER SH– OR GET OFF THE POT….

At his lowest popularity rating and with plenty of tongues wagging, I feel he has not been given a fair shake. However, like President Truman said, “the buck stops here,….” and so it does. It would be best remembered that there are alot of party appointed and partician workers that surround Washington DC. Everyone has an opinion, cause to champion or ax to grind. Special interests and lobbyist spend plenty to corrupt the worker bees…

WHATA’ JOKE….

That being said, my biggest complaint concerning government is CONGRESS. Elected by their constituents ,they are perhaps the most ineffective body in public office. Mr. Bush has been saddled with the most venimous, inept, partician go -no- where slobs in the nations. They have failed the general public and the general public is not seeing the forrest for the trees!

I have watched some pretty agonizing moments when President Bush’s butt has been in the hot seat. I have watched him squirm and vocally hestitant and carefully try to choose his words. He is human, mistakes happen. Advice to him has been filtered to create cause and effect. For gosh sake, give the guy a break!!

I can only hope, once he enters the club of past presidents, he will climb his steady horse in Crawford and seek the beautiful sunsets amid the Texas skies. He, at the very least, has earned some peace and quiet from the opinionated, jowl flapping, hanger-ons who blight the nation’s capital.

So, the general public is seeking REAL change…be careful who you choose and elect…

It’s possible that it can go too far!

As age speeds upon me I find that there are frequent times that I actually have thoughts bounce into my head that can be termed borderline “wisdom.” I always felt like the wisdom of age always landed upon the previous generation and when it finally fell to me I would approach life with a senior stupor of thought..

TIME TO THINK…

However, I have spend the last year somewhat confined physically which has had me watching QVC or Fox News where I will zone out and think of thoughts that can be quite profound. Now, I cannot expound upon these trickles of wisdom to my five year old grandaughter. She is too busy creating wonderful things out of my computer paper and using all my remaining tape, glue sticks and staples… she makes great tongue depresser paper dolls!! She mult-tasks from watching “Little Bill” to finding “My Little Pet Shop” on my computer to crafting with all my dinimishing supplies…

So, these trickles of wisdom that sometime register in my mind are left unsaid. My audience is no more…. my children are all grown and my grandchildren are scattered. I am left with these words of wisdom just circling the room. I am trying to learn to “ponder.”

LET’S PONDER UPON IT….

Ponder is a good word meaning to “think of” and “study.” I can ponder, after all, I do have the time. I can ponder doing the laundry, making the bed, and walking to and fro. My walking has slowed alot these days so I can manage a few more thoughts now and then.

DECISIONS NOW…

Since I have a graduating grandson and several other grandchildren at turning points in their lives right now, I am left to think how easy it is for them to quickly make life changing decisions. Do they even consider the consequences of those decisions? Consequences that can nag, haunt and torment them for the rest of their lives. Consequences that color the decisions of the future. Circumstances that leave lasting impressions that one takes to the grave even….

WHAT HAVE YOU MADE OF YOUR LIFE?…

“As the world turns” has presented a time in history where there has never been so many distractions that can get someone off course. Today, with more leisure time usually spent unwisely, more self centered technical toys, more unnecessary chemically induced episodes, and more self gratificating activities…people are coming to more than the cross roads in life.It reminds me of a pinball machine where the silver steely ball is bantered about the score board running willy nilly to whatever lies in it’s path…

lIFE’S REVIEW….

It is not until senioritis sets in that time slows down enough for one to think about the decisions already made….already done…consequences already in cement. Remorsefully one can now see what was decided, what the lasting consequenes have been and no way of changing the course of time to make corrections. What is left is the pitiful “I”m sorry.” An inadequate pronouncement of life spent!

The old saying ”had I known then, what I know now” is a sorry excuse for screwing up life!

One is left in deep repentance…

Forgiveness is mandatory!

…..and appreciated!

This is a monumental week at our house. Our grandson is graduating from high school…not just any high school but a private academically challenging one that we have contributed mightily for him to attend. For the last seven years  we have sacrificed a great deal of money and time so that he could have full advantage of the best schooling that is offered. This aspect of his life has been important to us all. So, his graduation this Thursday is especially meaningful to us ….

PASSAGES….

 In a sad, bittersweet sort of way we will all be graduating right along with him…I remember graduation as a turning point in one’s life, it certainly was for me. Plans have been made for his future. He received a new gas economy car that will transport him to a local college. Lucky for him, his closest friend has chosen the same college to attend so he will have that close association with a good friend continue for awhile.

A DIFFERENCE…

The difference in this turn of events is that, unlike high school, where his family supported him financially, he will have to help work off his tuition and expenses by working at odd jobs on campus. This opportunity will heighten his abilility to try various outside jobs and perhaps, firmly cement his decisions for a forward career. A good deal of humble experience never hurt anyone!

DECISIONS….

Currently his interest is in the medical field. However, this too can change. While in high school he has had several work experience opportunities open up to him with computer graphics and imaging. Deep down, I am hoping he might channel his desire to go into medicine by combining that interest into a medical computer imaging career. Computer technology is a vast arena in the medical fields nowadays.

CHANGE IS CONSTANT….

He has warned us that graduation may become emotional for him…being a member of a small ( 70 something grads) school makes the relationship with students and teachers even harder to break away from. The small school atmosphere makes it difficult to say goodbye…

The passages of life can be difficult for sure. We are standing on the side lines watching a young person become a man…He is a great kid! I know what his Mom’s is thinking.and feeling..not an easy time for her either…

THE REWARD…

However, after the pomp and circumstance we will  jump a plane to Hawaii…this trip has been planned and paid for for months. We have had a few garage sales to augment our travels. So, Friday we head west to the paradise island where we will escape for a week of fishing, swimming and visiting with friends. We have even planned to play with a dolphin or two!

It has been many years since visiting the islands. In the past it was usually in conjunction with Grandad’s work. This time we all are mainland tourists. It has been such a long time that I am sure it will be like going for the first time ….once again….

Times are getting rough…this could be our last big splurge for quite sometime. Grandad and I proceed with caution but some things are worth the sacrifice….a young man’s education is worth the effort and Hawaii has become the reward for all of us!!

Aloha…