Chronicles of Nana

In the time of Thanksgiving it is appropriate to not only express our gratitude for the blessings of the past year but for the holiday season itself….gratitude is sincerely expressed but also felt…

FEELINGS…

I felt it abundantly yesterday as I attended my Grandaughter’s school on Grandparents Day. So many shining little faces filled with delight in knowing that is was the last day of school before the Thanksgiving holiday.

For about four hours we were able to see these children participate in the daily school routine. It was good to see how technology makes teaching so much easier. The excitement with interactive exchange is thrilling to watch. Good teachers make education fun and it was clear that these children were having fun at school…..a blessing in itself nowadays!

CURSES…THE EVIL MACHINE!!!

We came home to the delivery of our new toy…mark my words that we do NOT do this sort of thing. Sitting in our driveway was a ATV, all-terrain vehicle……! For us this is frivrolity max times ten…

First, we have great disgust for the ATV tracks we see marking our pristine hillsides. Second, we are very aware that these vehicles are dangerous. But….

LET IT SNOW….

For years we have struggled with the snow. Our home is situated on a hillside on a corner lot that measures just over a half acre. To just mow the grass takes a major effort. During the winter Grandad usually bundles himself up and drags his old bones outside to meet the challenge of the snow covered concrete…

Now, we have tons of concrete, a large triple car driveway; another wrap around driveway in front of the house and sidwalks that wrap around three sides of the yard. Grandad usually strumbles into the house totally exhausted. Nine times out of ten, he has usually fallen…

So to make purchasing the evil ATC more palitable…it now has a wonderful shining snow blade attached to it…! Such a wonder to see…

WORLD PEACE AND HAPPY NEIGHBORS…

I say that because when it was tested on a run down our street, out came our neighbor with a grand smile. He looked it over a bit and with delight realized he perhaps will have a chance to use it as the  snows are sure to come. He exchanged pleasantries and nearly danced back into his home…

So, it is obvious that such a machine can bring neighbors together. Over some hot chocolate that can be a good thing…..

Tis the season to count my blessings….and I have many, far more than I deserve. When physical limitations began to measure my productivity I realized pretty quick the need for tolerant, patient family…..

REALIZATIONS…

Things like independance, freedom, mobility without calculated thought and pushing forward to maximum capability start to dim then the body screams “whoa!’ I have had a few unfortunate years of such limitations that have left me wondering where and when my “new normal” will bloom again….

BLESSINGS THAT REALLY MATTER….

Therefore, it is necessary for me to deliberately  consider the blessings that have come with such limitations. Because it is so much easier to fall upon my sword and suffer the unfairness of my situation. First of all, I must consider what comes with age like inconvenient ailments and the nasty procedures that follow…Nana, such is life. Bare with it because the alternative sucks….I have been blessed.

WHERE IS THE PATIENCE AND TOLERANCE…?

Confinement is not my favorite thing…learning patience and tolerance has come slowly. But it has given me time to think and contemplate…about my family, the ways of the world, genealogy and the state of true friendships. I have found myself looking back into my life and the roads I have taken and the decisions I have made. Would I have done some things differently….you bet! But I have concluded the journey isn’t ever over…just the passages of time.

Because of these choices I walk in my own unique shoes that no one else can fully understand. I have learned to judge less and speak with measured forethought.

GRATITUDE…

I am grateful that my needs have brought me closer to some members of my family…especially my grandchildren. They have come to my aid so many times with the willingness to serve. It has been fun to see them work together. I so enjoy watching them grow up…

Things have been such that I have had to depend upon my daughters far too much…I am sure I grate upon their nerves at times with my demands and frustations. I appreciate their silence with their frustations with me…

Grandad has always been “the rock” to me.  He is steady and dependable. He has had to put aside his aches and pain to tend to mine. When life gets too much for me, he puts perspective and hope and stills my restless soul. He is the wind beneath my wings…

I have alway been a dog person…dogs have been in my home all my life. Each pet has been special. Mandy, my current pet, is a snotty, selfish animal…Unlike her mother who had a sweet and loving spirit, Mandy is a free thinker and usually it’s all about herself. However, I have recognized her inner qualities as she is always close by my side…her companionship is a treasure to me…

I am grateful that I am beginning to see what’s really important in life…the eyes might dim and the fingers may disfigure and I might have to spend more time in the bathroom than I would like but….in the long run it is not the destinations in life that matters…it’s the journey!!

Peace be with thy soul…

The trees stand naked in the wind….the mountains are dusted with an early snow…the valley rests below. One lone globe willow difiantly holds onto it’s leaves as the breeze kisses it’s branches. The snowbirds across the street have packed up their RV and have headed to California …and my feet can not find warmth.

TIME MARCHES ON….

Halloween has come and gone…the spooks and goblins have been placed in storage  but the candy still lingers. The earth is preparing for a long winter’s sleep. We huddle inside our home as the coming storms brew. However, preparations have begun and long time traditions prevail…

PREPARATIONS….

Our Christmas child has begun her work in decorating the house and yard. She prepares for her daughter as once again another years has passed without a husband and father. It is still mind numbing to accept that he is gone. Everytime I look into the face of his little girl I see a moment missed, an accomplishment not seen and a deep emptiness runs through my mind. In the still of night I still wonder how his death happened and why…???

A NEW NORMAL…?

Picking up the pieces is not easy. I see it every day as my daughter attempts to put the past behind her. Sometimes she makes great strides in pushing forward only to be caught up in a recollection or memory that flashes through her mind. It touches her inner soul…and is visable to a helpless mom who is powerless to change the circumstances…

Some circumstances just won’t go away. It took over a year to sell her house but she still is being hassled by the banks…seems the bank takeover and economy has hit honest financial transactions as well. The sale of her house is lost in the backed up computers systems bulging with corruption…no fault of her own but never the less a lingering lack of closure in her life.

CELEBRATING LIFE…

This coming week will marked her spouse’s birthday…and his birthday will be celebrated like last year. A grave site visit with flowers, a birthday cake baked by his two favorite girls and the decorating of their family Christmas tree. It stands each year as a monument of hope and of a life gone too soon in the measurement of time. Memories will flood the mind and we shall gather close to shower the spirits of those we love so much…

Happy Birthday Mike…you have so touched our lives…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just as the leaves blow in the wind my soul lately has been flowing through myself…discontent, searching and discovering unspoken reality. I have mentioned I have come full circle this week, having spent 3 uncomfortable hours in the dentist chair…

WHEN THE BODY GOES….

It started a couple of years ago with a toothache. That was the beginning of a personal physical odessey that I have yet to master. Next, I went to get new glasses which required an exam where I was told that it would do no good to get new glasses until I came in for eye surgery. After being prodded by my daughter I relented to the procedure…which I needed in both eyes (But one at a time.)

Because of complications I sat for 3 months being blind. It was a lonely experience and gave me a lot of time to think and ponder. Needless to say I have not completed the procedure with the other eye. It was that tramatic…

FIRST BROKEN BONE…

A few months later I fell going up the stairs and broke my right leg in half. I don’t mess around I always do a good job of it. As I lay upon the front porch with what appeared to be a big crowd just watching me…I tried to tell myself this just is not happening. The next thought was how I was going to get myself out of this.

Of course, there was no getting out of it and eventually the firetruck and ambulance arrived. With the ensuing months came the trying test of patience and tolerance and tears. Suddenly my limitations had me at a stand still. Needy, immobile and dependant upon family I once again found the hard to take feelings of humility. I would momentarily have waves of pride but they would soon dissolve into reality…

After 4 months I finally moved back upstairs…a triumph for me and a blessing for my family. In this way I would be holed up into my own little place and they need not have to always walk around me and my stuff. I don’t believe I learned all I should have concerning patience and tolerance but I did realize that my life would not be complete without the service and dedication of those who attended me. To have to rely upon others is humbling….

I have accumulated a number of things to assist me… a cane, a walker, a wheelchair and the best red hot scooter in existence. Confinement can play on the mind…there is a sense of security in cocooning, conveniences also, like not having to wear shoes or a bra. A muu-muu and slouch socks became my wardrobe. I have learned to live on a lot less…

BECOMING A BUTTERFLY….

There came a day when life needed to be lived and venturing out was a necessity. I had to retrain my walk and how I got into the car. With me has come my constant companion..my cane and wheelchair. The months passed and I became more mobile but was constantly tired. Carrying myself about was draining and my family became concerned.

After another doctor visit I was once again pushed into a bevy of tests…and a couple days later was called to be told I was severely anemic and must go into the hospital for a blood tranfusion. From there it was a colonoscopy and upper GI that revealed a stomach of ulcers.  That created a number of complications with medications….

So, how have I come full circle…? Last week I went to the dentist with a broken tooth.., been there , done that!! Full circle….

Folks…I don’t know all that I must learn from all this but I have learned to take the GAS and go with the flow…

Such is life! Be still my soul….

PS: The other eye isn’t even on my calendar yet….