Chronicles of Nana

I know there must be opposition in all things…it is a natural law. If we do not experience bitterness how would we know joy..? Individuals have their free agency to choose…but with every choice come consequences. With each actions comes reaction and therein lie many bumps in the road…

GENERATIONS OF TIME…

We have had generations who have come and gone…facing gigantic odds and over coming adversities. We come into life to be nurtured and taught and loved. We grow, experience and see for ourselves the world as it is and from that determine our mindset as to how we will respond from day to day.

BEHAVIORS…

Our behaviors walk the fine line between intellect and emotion. Some of us ride the tides of stress, some kick against the pricks and other lash out in knee jerk response while others recoil into self absorption. We do not walk these paths alone…others to some varying degree come alone, sometimes to complicate a situation.

BINDING RELATIONSHIPS…

Relationships must be very important in the grand scheme of things. Relationships need tender loving care otherwise they fade and disappear…It is said we do not get to choose our family. Thereby..the odds of bonding in the true sense of love becomes worrisome. Even among families each person is individually born and molded. Having to accept each other and nurturing a lasting bond takes great work and patience…

Sibling relationships have always puzzled me. I understand the physical and emotional bonds that come with motherhood but the sibling connections are complicated and intense. Unfortunately the ways of the world get in the way of establishing” brotherly love.” Used to be that family bonded together just to make ends meet and survive… Forced isolation commands cooperation…

WHAT THE WORLD HAS COME TO…

Today, we live in a manner of convenience. When once we worked to survive …now we work to satisfy wants. Wanting things seem to smoke screen the natural desire for acceptance and viability. A short thrill or high seems to satisfy a short moment of pleasure. Nothing lasting …

As much as I seemed to have jump over that hill and sliding down it fast enough…I have come to know that worldly pleasures do not bring true happiness. I see it in a generation of young people whose vacant eyes show disappointment and dispair. They go to extrordinary measures to seek the absurd and debased to shock themselves into feeling…all the while drinking, smoking, swallowing or touching themselves and others into numbness…

In the long run, however, it is all an individual choice whose consequences rear up and bite one in the butt more times than not. Someday, we stand before ourselves reliving bad, stupid decisions based upon worldly morales and perceived desires…

Oft times bringing us to our knees realizing the wastes we have left and the seeds of good we have not sown…

They say growing old is not for the faint of heart..

But dying without goods works last forever!

Babies come into the world seeking nurturing, food and love. Helpless and needy… parents strive to meet their every need, working tirelessly to raise them to adulthood when they will spread their wings and fly on their own….

PARENTHOOD…

However, once a parent always a parent…the parenthood sign is forever hung on our front door and in our hearts. Many things in life come with instructions however, becoming a parent has no book available on how to raise a child. I am the mother of five grown adults. Each one born much the same way…but each so very different from each other.

At first parents want to protect their children and keep them safe. Growing up is a long process that really does not have anything to do with age. For instance, some of the yougest people I know are the elderly and some people are just born “old.” Bring on other siblings and the testing ground of parenthood becomes complicated and downright scary.

FULLY DEDICATED…

Being a parent involved full dedication or something might get missed along the way. Parenthood requires on the spur of the moment decisions, judgments and disciplines. And as parent we learn as we go…

Mistakes happen and forgiveness is appreciated. Luckily most children have the heart to do so. As time goes by parental controls wane and disappear all together. Then, as parents. we do less but worry more…At this point we are left watching our handiwork shine. The good, bad and ugly!

PERSONAL REGRETS…

Speaking for myself, I was way too serious and busy to truly enjoy every waking moment of child raising. I was also too young, too stupid to chronicle in my mind the joys I was missing. The time went by so fast..and as I was living it I had no idea. I seek back to those times now and realize how unfair life can be… how unwise I was not to stop and hug more and enjoy the moments…

I fall upon my wisdom now in remorse in not realizing the importance of those long ago moments and the importance they play upon my life now. Perhaps my biggest mistake was protecting my children too much. I wanted them safe…I wanted them to know happiness and love…I wanted them to see the greatness in themselves.

LEARNING TO FAIL WITH GRACE…

However, I needed to teach them how to fail at a much earlier age. Small teaching moments, uncomfortable as they may have been, in order to prepare them more for the real world and the disappointments that lie ahead. Perhaps, no parents can truly teach that…

That is why, as a Nana and great Nana, I now find such disgust in the worldly nature of things. I am offended that it has become so hard to meet the obligations of parenthood nowadays. We still have the same 24 hours in a day, but the ways in life are spinning out of control and the pressures become unmanageable. How dare the undesireable ways of life interfere in the happiness of those I love!

So many outside influences that debase the sanctity of family…the foundation of life itself.

NO EASY TASK…

Parenting is not easy…I sit along the sidelines now watching the struggles of my own adult children. I am seeing in them what I once felt and relive so often. No longer in control but an observer as life twist and turns the lives of their children and grandchildren. Their choices in life glaring…our mistakes repeatedly naked before us…

One day we are left with just the memories…thankfully the bad of it wanes and the joys come forth and are remembered and relived once again.

Being forgiven and forgiving brings forth the forgotten joys and makes it sweeter and much more meaningful…

Thank the Lord for loving hearts and warm hugs!

Thanksgiving 2009 has passed and now the rush to celebrate Christmas is close at hand. I have done much of my shopping on the internet this season so I have not been out into the “elements” to see and feel the spirit of great anticipation…

ODDS AND ENDS…

I have a few odds and ends to finish and in a way it has been a different experience this year…I have once again planned remarkably well. Alas for not, because I always end up in the same place…the faster I go the farther behind I get!!! I have cut back some…not so many decorations up, no plans for a mega cook fest, and judging from the lack of Christmas cards being sent it seems most people have cut back also.

Never mind though, the spirit of the holiday always comes forth with random acts of kindness and a sense of giving that warms the heart.

REMEMBERING…

I can’t help thinking of Christmas’s long ago when a childhood dream could come true. It is this time of year that I think of those I have not had lasting friendships with…though I surely wish I had. Three grandaughters come to mind…three people I have not seen in nearly 20 years. I have spent years hoping that one day this gross unfairness would correct itself but as life will always remind me…life ain’t fair…

GETTING A GRIP….

Now that I have come to grips with that reality and have felt the sting of resentment and rejection I feel nothing but sadness. The ways of the world can take 3 beautiful girls ( now women) and color their thoughts and prejudices in such a way that beckons worldly and unbecoming behaviors…I would have wished something so different for them.

Regardless of their ways and feelings I still hold a special place in my heart for the 3 innocent faces I have carried with me all these years. I am so grieved they have been robbed of their innocense. I wish them well. I have high hopes that they will find their way and find the joy they can bring to others.

I feel that I am at a turning point in my life…I just don’t know which road to take. I have been provided a map of happiness…

I think I will dutifully follow it!

Mery Christmas…