Chronicles of Nana

2010…..another new year starts, another new day dawns. It is a beautiful, crisp day…the sun full into the sky glancing down upon the snow covered peaks of the mountains. The birds swing from tree to tree and the deer tracks scoot across the front yard…

THE UNEXPECTED…

One would not know that life awaits the unexpected…that situations occur to dull this pristine picture. As people scurry about to work and clean the holiday messes…tragic things happen.

I once thought that nothing could be worse than the death of a mom. My mom passed away over 40 years ago…a generation has been raise since then. I was young, perhaps I was better prepared to accept her passing. I think about this alot…she passes through my thoughts constantly. Perhaps she knows there is yet many things that need to be said…I could use a good talk now and then with mom.

WHEN TRAGEDY STRIKES….

However, I have been on the silent receiving line of my youngest child’s grief. Two years ago today she lost her beloved husband of 12 years. No one thinks that someone will die at age 36…surely it would never happen to us…

It was bitter cold outside as we tried to comfort my daughter. I just might have well ripped her heart from her chest…the disbelief…the horror… the concern for the 5 year old confused and unaware.

I scooped my grandaughter up and headed toward home. She held tight as I contemplated answering her questions….the police were there…is Daddy ok..? No Dear, Daddy has died…

I thought hard about the events that had lead up to my mom’s passing but…..nothing can compare to witnessing the events of THIS night. I felt utterly helpless, speachless and woefully inadequate to comprehend what lies ahead for the two people I loved so much.

PASSAGES….

Such are the passages in life…the hardest part is letting go of one. Certain stages of life can come and go without a blink of an eye…some we just rave fair thy well and enough said. But death leaves its ineviable sting…where suddenly life stops and one is left alone to push forward in time.

It has been a difficult two years…we have learned and struggled with alot of nonsense. We have had to desiminated between feelings and selfish desires and wants. Sometimes we talk…other moments pass by when feelings become so tender that silence is the only way to speak…

I miss Mike…I miss his bright and shining smile. I miss his easy going manner and our quiet little talks. How much they mean to me now. I had not realized how significant those talks were at the time…

Through him lives his little daughter…she is a real joy. He would be so pleased at her progess in school and I believe all along he knew his dear wife would champion his life and keep him significant in hers…

I see her Daddy in every smile along side that glowing dimple in her cheek. I see her daddy in her sense of humor as she piles make-up and glitter on my face..

She makes my heart soar like an eagle..

And for that Mike, you have my everelasting gratitude and deepest love!!!